Things turn into something else....

Most of you probably think there was a happy ending here. Well, we shall see. Having one epic moment turned into days, week, and months of no calls, or texts. He got what he wanted and so did I. But the truth was much complicated than that.

First, I did not tell him that i have wanted him for ages. Second, he was already in love with me but did not tell me until my brother was years into marriage with Raf's sister and a second born on the way. Back then, Raf chose to keep quiet and enjoy stolen kisses and moments. So did I.

The worst came when he disappeared on me. no calls or text. So i started dating again. just when i thought i was over him, he appeared out of nowhere. drunk and very much interested in having me. I was confused and utterly mad at him but did not show it. i let him sleep in my room while i sought shelter elsewhere....His sisters.

Here is something I haven't told you. I lived in the same block of rent rooms as his sister. We were friendly and she was not with child back then. So, I went to her and had to tell her about Raf's situation. She was welcoming but what i did not know, is that she knew about us. Apparently, she heard us in one of our marathons (so embarrassing). We talked about it that night and in the morning, Raf tried to make his move but i showed him my boyfriend (he lived there too).

When he left, I never heard from him again until few years later. still single, still interested in  me but much more charming towards me. or so i thought.

One day, i was in a depressed mood, at home, and in the dark crying after long hours of contemplating my life. I decided to tell Raf how I felt without leaving anything out. I did. i got to open up to him and he said no. He was gentle about it but it felt like i was drowning. i did not want to feel. I was out of tears and all i wanted was to be anywhere but in this world.

Don't worry, i was not going suicidal. I wanted to go to my safe place where i care about nothing but myself. So, I did. The following morning, I was motivated. I felt like I could own the world and for the next two years, I did. It did not last long until we met again.

I made the first move and what followed was days, weeks, and months of love-making, working together, and living in a world of two love-birds limited by one thing only, the rules of society. We could not continue with the love bubble because the people we trust to support us, gave us one choice, END it.

After talking for so long, we did it. We had to say goodbye and seek other options to save our parent's reputation in the face of society. A society that does not give a rats ass about us. As we speak, Raf is living with his girlfriend. Am worried he will lose his gentle touch and charm because he is forced to live with someone he does not love. He made peace with his family but where is his peace?

And I, I am here writing what could probably be the end of everything I have ever wanted. A fairy tale of my own. I have to leave behind something that most people never get to feel: a connection with the person you love, beautiful memories of having a beautiful family with the one you love, and the most gentle touch and understanding man i could ever have. The only man I trust fully in this life.

You see now my dear reader, happy endings exist but not everyone gets to experience it to the end. Some of us fade into something society pushes us into and others brave it out. I have to brave it out and give our parents the happiness they deserve. I cannot have it all but I have enough. See you soonest........Thank you for reading

Here comes the juicy part......or not. Click and find out.

The beauty of the night began when his hands began roaming on my thighs. 

Even fully clothed, i could feel his warmth lighting every part in my body...one in particular was on fire. So, I had to press my legs together and muffle a moan. When he moved to my belly, it took everything in my power not to loose it. All broke lose when he brushed past my breast, turned my face and connected my lips with a searing kiss. To say it was mind blowing would be an understatement: the fact is it was electrifying and i could feel a fire between my legs growing unbelievably uncontrollable.

When he landed on top of me, and grinded just enough for me to get comfortable, the tables turned. Our movements became erratic. Feeling his hardness on me was not enough and so i took the lead. I was possessed with desire to consume him and rubbed over him with everything i felt. Lips crushing, hands roaming, and a burning sensation was all it took. The moment was unexplained........i was floating with a sharp yet outstanding need to pee and with every grind, i was coming closer to explode. I did not have to wait longer because his entire body ceased to move with a groan.

We were breathing hard and my limbs were wobbly when i tried to move. So, we stayed in one position for a while. I was asleep before i could say a word (or maybe i did but i could not remember). I remember waking up to an empty bed but not in the way you are thinking. The guys were on the floor debating the previous day's event. Truth is, i could not face either of them because i think they heard everything we did. I just sat there awkwardly until they left the room one by one. I knew they were doing it for Ryan's benefit.

And then we were alone.....He served us breakfast and we spent a quiet moment basking in the delicacies. I loved the way he treated me like a queen. He made sure i was well fed before settling besides me on the bed. He thanked me for a wonderful night and then laced his fingers to mine. I wish i could let the warmth feeling seeping in my body continue to nourish my heart. But my insecurities could not allow it. I could hear warning voices telling me that am just his rebound. I tried to fight it but i could not let it go. When he turned my head for a kiss, i went willingly but before it could escalate to something else, i pulled away and decided to head home.

I came to know latter that he was disappointed and that was one of the reasons he never called back again. That day, I went back to campus and buried myself into movies.  I could not bring myself to have him while his sister was dating my brother. It took me another year to realize the heart wants what it wants. The next time we met, i did not hold back. I just showered, texted him, and showed up at his doorstep with one goal in mind........whatever happens, Ryan was mine whether he wanted me or not. As it turned out that day, one round was not enough and it was epic.

and the story continues from the last post

I think my writing is getting better but i do not want to brag. So, let us get to the story.........

That night, i slept next to him. But let us not get ahead of ourselves.

The club was packed and I was a little nervous. We settled on a table a few meters away from the dance floor. Drinks started coming for the boys and after several hours, the real clubbing began. For your information, i was having a soft drink (what a disappointment). Then the guys talked me into tasting their drinks. Lets face it, i want to taste it and after pretending for a few minutes, i gave in. It did not take me awhile to hate the taste of some beer (except guiness) and enjoy the burning sensation brought by whiskey and vodka.

The evening got a little strange when some of my hostel mates showed up. Her name was Grace (I came to learn latter that she was a lesbian). Her friends were party animals and when they came in, our table filled with drinks and the dance floor became X-rated (hahaa). Then Ryan asked me for a dance. If you are imagining a slow, romantic dance...................well, you are way off. It was close to erotic and let just say the buzz did not make it any less decent. Unfortunately, one of Grace's friend decided to ruin everything by blaming Nick for her spilled drink.

That was when i learnt that no one messes with the brother including sassy women. She though hiding behind the club's bodyguards would save but she ended up calling a taxi with a wounded pride. Apparently, the boys were loyal customers. I was getting uncomfortable because i hate violence under any circumstance. I steer clear of people for various reason. So, I convinced Ryan and Nick to call a taxi so we can head out. It was 3 am and that meant i could not return to my place at that hour. So, i went with Ryan and that is how i ended up besides him.

My evil twin sought that moment to come out of hiding and with every touch, i was loosing control. I though he was drunk enough to sleep it off but the moment he glued his lips to mine, I came alive. Every cell in my body exploded with excitement and all i wanted was to melt into him........

Apologies to leave you hanging but see you soon for extra details.

what was, has been, and probably will be.........1

this is a sneak peak of how, despite knowing and seeing the love of your life there, you cant say or do anything because fate has something in store for you.

A long time ago when i was just entering my teen hood, i saw a boy. He had the most beautiful smile i have ever seen and besides him was another guy (later came to know was his brother). They were laughing at something or someone (it was a church compound and there were a lot of people).......which pissed me off, still does.

But it was just a simple encounter that left me bothered until i got inside the church. I took a seat behind a young woman whose dressing got me more worked up. why? i was a prideful, know-it-all, super righteous girl at the time. So, i sat down and listened through the sermon ignoring the nagging feeling i had over the woman.

A year after that day, i went to visit my cousin before going back to school. I knew my big brother would be there because he was seeing someone new after months of nursing a broken heart. The strangest part was that my nerves were all over and i kept having flashing images of the girl i sat behind in church a year ago. Guess what, Maria was my brother's new girlfriend. The introductions were a little weird because i thought that i would dislike her (i did for a few days) but she turned out to be the most kind-hearted girl i have met in my lifetime.

That same year, we met again at church but this time, i was meeting her extended family which included the two laughing guys from a year ago (Nick and Ryan). Two things happened; first i shock like a leaf and second, my world turned upside down because i could not hold down the fact that i had a huge crush on Ryan. From a distance, i could not make out his gorgeous features but up-close, well, i could not stop looking. Unfortunately, he did not notice because he was busy introducing his girlfriend. Nick, on the other hand, was very cheerful and eager to chat so i engaged a little.

When Maria suggested we head to their place, i didn't hesitate, i kept telling myself the battle is not lost and the pull was too strong to resist.

Two years later, i was in Campus when Maria came to visit. It was then that i learned that Ryan broke up with his girlfriend and details were devastating. Apparently, Amber (the girlfriend) was secretly seeing someone else without his knowledge. That was not all, there were other men involved which was what broke Ryan. My heart hurt for him but that's not all it did, it yearned to comfort and take away the pain. So, i tagged along and my seductive instincts kicked in ( i know how it sounds but its not what you are thinking)

Our re connection began with me listening to his tale. Although he left a lot of details, i was going to be patient until he was comfortable and that is what i did. Every time we met, i fell deeper and deeper; we would talk for hours on the phone, i would visit him and Nick, we would watch a movie, walk around and just talk. One day, during my usual shopping days, i went to the boys as a surprise but i was met with one. They were going clubbing (not a huge fun and it was my first time). That night everything shifted including my dignity..............to be continued

what happened later

when fate serves you a handsome prince, even your 2-day old ex ceases to exist.

that's what happened to me a few weeks after one of my on and off relationship with (let's call him Sam, in case you are not familiar with who am talking about, check out my previous post)
just so you know, i did not cheat on him. we had already broken up and he was no longer in campus.

i met Liam when he first joined campus and since he lived two doors down with his brother, we couldn't interact much. so, i made it my mission to make simple hello's into longer conversations and a phone number. a few weeks later, we had our first kiss and it was magical (i just happened to remember that it was a moonlit and starry night) he still held his V-card (am no saint) and taking things slow was the firs thing that came to my mind but that only lasted till the following evening. there were no red petals all over or a king size bed.....just a small bed in a small cubicle infested by bedbugs (it was my friends room). anyway, we sealed the deal in a one hot yet sexy marathon and parted ways (i had to go back to a different city for work)

A few weeks down the line and Liam declared his love for me. all this time, no one knew about our relationship because he was a forbidden fruit to his family. we had some ups and downs but the major one came when he completed his studies and moved 12 hours away from (back home)  we parted ways in good terms (it was my suggestion) but he kept in touch and never stopped loving me and neither did i. a year later, i went to see him for a week and we rekindled what we had. By then, several people knew but not his family; i was getting tired and impatient. When Liam realized i was pulling away, he promised to marry me. he wanted a baby and i was more than eager to be part of it; the problem was, he had other plans.

Plans i came to learn about on December 2017. He grew silent, distant, and full of excuses but he never stopped saying 'i love you'

Like a fool, i believed him, shooed away potential life partner and waited for him. He never came, he stopped calling or texting. All this time, Liam was planning a wedding with his family; a wedding that did not include me. As usual, i ignored a certain instinct that's always right and hoped he will come around. he did not and so i did he only thing left on my hands;

I called

He did not pick up. so i texted. he did not reply
eventually, he picked up and confirmed what i had already suspected. he was a married man and i broke again. its now to months down the line, Liam tried to reach out but i shut him up....i have a major heartbreak waiting from the very love of my life (coming soon).....i have to save my energy for that.

A heart can love so many times in so many different ways but when is the one person u love so dearly breaking it, now that's a different story. am ready.

how it came to be....

he promised to love me and to always be with me.....i wasn't ready,
we dated for awhile and that did not get me even closer to being ready,
yes....he wanted commitment but i was only 20 years old, with dreams to fulfill and a world to see.
we broke up a year later, and it was a relief until i missed him terribly and all i wanted was to hear him. so we got back together but it did not last long. i had no idea what came over me because i could see women after him. i was not able to pull out his smile like his friends and that made me sad. so i confronted him and he left me. i begged n begged but he wouldn't listen. he was so mad. i followed him without a care who was watching or listening but he never uttered a word and that broke me into million pieces. he just left me there, devastated, broken, and holding back tears i did not want the world to see.
once i got back in my room, i cried my heart out n promised to never cry again but two weeks down the line he got in touch. like a fool, i was really happy and like a coward, i said no to dating him. so we ended up friends but that did not stop him from pursuing me. three years down the line we just stayed friend. and i dated someone else, i was also still in love with someone else (a story for another day, remind me) but he still kept coming. then it suddenly stopped for a year and out of the blue, he wanted to see me and the foolish me went along with it.
i was ready at the time, i wanted to commit to him. i was very ready that by the time he left that day i knew i had a chance with him. six months of silence proved me all wrong. six months of trying to reach him bore no fruits. i became restless but when he finally picked up my phone, this is all he had to say " am a family man."
he was already married and i had no idea what to say so i just said "congratulations" few months down the line i saw him vow to love and cherish another woman on a wedding TV show.
i broke once more
tears came back
unimaginable pain camped inside me
and the journey to another heartbreak began....coming soon

hope

as the election day gets closer, am hopeful. i got nothing else to say. hope is a promise of a brighter future. i wlcome it with open arms.